In January this year I shared my 2017 resolutions. They were:
- Uncouple my happiness from other peoples acceptance
- Be present more and disconnect from my phone
- Use my pockets of time more efficiently
Generally things went well.
I care less about what people think of me and I'm much more efficient with my time.
A bit less successful with disconnecting from my phone but I'm better than I was. I no longer have a meltdown if my emails are switched off.
I figured I'd share my goals for this year and see if any of them resonate with you.
1. Only help those who are willing to help themselves
Imagine you're a battery. You have, at maximum capacity, 100% charge. Every time you help someone your battery drains, either a little or a lot depending on how much you're helping said someone.
Anyone with an iPhone can attest that a battery can run out surprisingly quickly which, in this case, means you're running on minimal charge because everyone you've tried to help has drained you. Leaving you nothing in the tank for yourself.
I like helping people.
Seeing people happy and making progress in any walk of life is amazingly rewarding and, I've come to realise, something I really enjoy contributing too if possible.
When I take time and effort to help someone, in any aspect of life not just health and fitness, and they give it their best shot at implementing that advice then it feels brilliant.
Conversely, when I take time and effort to help someone and they make no effort to take on board the advice I've given them (even if it's to try it out for themselves before deciding it doesn't work for them) then it's very dispiriting. I'm not saying all advice I give is the right advice but if someone is asking for help the least they could do is try the advice I give them and see if it works.
The time and effort I invest into both people is the same. Both drain my battery the same amount.
But one outcome makes me feel great and other makes me feel frustrated and down.
And to be honest for most of this year I've been running on empty which is why I've given myself no love and as a result:
- Gained 28lbs!!
- Went onto Sertraline for anxiety
- Been ill more often than I would like
- Have sod all self confidence
This year will be different.
I'm getting very good at identifying people who, if I invest time and energy into them, won't try and follow the advice I've given them.
Those people will get much less of an investment of 'me' into them so that my battery is fuller for myself and those who are receptive to the advice I give them.
That will help me shed the excess weight, improve my physical and mental health and be in a much stronger position to enjoy life because I will have more time for myself.
2. Shed the employee mentality
Don't get me wrong, an employee mentality isn't meant to be a derogatory term to those who are in employment. Rather it is this:
As an employee you are generally employed for, for the sake of argument, 8 hours a day. If you finish a piece of work you will be given another one to do. Do that and you'll get another one and so on until the working day is complete. Your employer won't give you one piece of work to do and say 'Ok when you've finished this the rest of the day is yours'.
So the employee mentality is to fill time with 'stuff'.
As someone who is self employed that can mean you end up doing stuff just because you feel like you should be busy. You do tasks which are irrelevant to the business because you feel like you should be busy and feel guilty if you aren't.
A better mindset, for me, is to focus on key tasks which make a big difference to the business. Once those are done then the rest of the time is mine to enjoy. We only live once and filling spare time with rubbish (I think I've re-written this website about 40 times, tweaking words here and there...why??) means less time to enjoy myself. Considering I could keel over tomorrow, why am I doing that to myself?
By the way, don't think this just applies to business.
What do you do in your life that either:
A) Is just an unnecessary drain on your time (Facebook? Candy Crush? Watching TV?)
B) You do that someone else could do for a nominal fee (outsourcing if you're a cool kid). Maybe the someone else could do the ironing? Or a cleaner? Or could you buy in pre made food (not ready meal shite from Asda!!) to save you time cooking?
3. Do what's right
My therapist made a very good point the other week which stuck with me. It was this:
Remember - you are not responsible for other peoples emotions.
So many times I've tried to juggle things to please everyone and ending up having everyone annoyed. Including me because I've sacrificed some things that I wanted to do, to avoid upsetting other people only to have them get annoyed with me anyway.
Moving forwards I'm going to do what's right and if that upsets some people then so be it. No more compromising my values because I'm scared of upsetting people. It's up to them how they react and handle me being true to my values.
So there you go, that's my 3 resolutions for 2018. It's going to be a year of self love and growth for myself and I can't wait to see where it takes me!
I hope this help you in some way and if not I wish you all the best drafting your own resolutions which have meaning and value to you.
Here's to making 2018 the best yet.